It is no secret that around half the marriages in the modern world fall apart after a few years. From the other half, we can also assume that many fail to really thrive in their relationships. This predicament is even scary to many singles, as they might sense that they are doomed to fail in an intimate relationship. Therefore it is about time we think about what it is that really allows relationships to flourish.
John Gottman is a leading authority in this subject, and created a “love lab”, where he analyzed couples over 24 hours, and then followed them over the years, to trace certain characteristics to the couples that would enjoy a long lasting marriage, and distinguish them from those who would end up in divorce. His key finding was that successful couples would enjoy a ratio of at least 5:1 in relationship to positive to negative experiences. In other word, for every quarrel, a couple would enjoy at least 5 moments of joy, whether this would be a warm felt compliment, a date or even a hug.
In his book, “7 principles of happy marriage”, he gives his prescription to a lasting relationship. For example, he proposes couples create love maps of each other, meaning they should each spend time and effort to get to know their partners on a deeper level. He also suggests each partner should nurture adoration and fondness on a regular basis for their spouse. In addition, couples should work on solving solvable disputes ( he gives specific tips how this can be done, for example, to start a dispute in a soft manner, soothe each other, and accept repair attempts like an apology), find ways to overcome inevitable gridlocks, move towards each other and reciprocate attention and affection, and allow their partners to influence them. And as the topping of the ice, Gottman suggests that couples should spend time creating a shared meaning for key aspects in life, which is reflected in customs, goals and daily rituals.
So if you are in a serious relationship, I highly recommend reading “7 principles of happy marriage”, as it will really strengthen your thoughts about how you can be successful with your partner. In case you are still single and seeking? a relationship with the partner of your dreams, watch this space for the opportunity to receive a free copy of my relaunched book, “How to win at Life and Love”.
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Little Thoughts
happy valentine’s day!